How To Develop A Genuine Love For Others
We can love others genuinely through the One who is love.
“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.17 This is my command: Love each other.” -John 15:12-17
This is when you know your love is true. Jesus died for me, the least I could do is lay down my life for his children. When you understand and experience Jesus’ love, it literally pours out of you. You cannot help but love those around you! We are commanded to love one another, just as Christ loves us, to the point of laying down our lives for others as He did for us. It is incredible that we are Jesus, the King of the universe, his friend. He calls us friend. How are we friends? He has shared with us in his sufferings, his victory and in His commands, his thoughts and his desires. He chose us to bear his fruit, his love regardless of all our flaws and imperfections. I think the question is how? How can you really, genuinely love someone that much, even if you barely know them, to the point of being able to do this? Think of your best friends. You know they have flaws and imperfections, but you accept them regardless because you love them so much.
“One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, ‘Of all the commandments, which is the most important?’ ‘The most important one,’ answered Jesus, ‘is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. ’The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.’ ‘Well said, teacher,’ the man replied. ‘You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices’ When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, he said to him, ‘You are not far from the kingdom of God.’ And from then on no one dared ask him any more questions.” -Mark 12:28-34, Luke 10:27, 1 Samuel 12:20 and 2 Kings 23:24-25, Hebrews 13:1
God is love in and of itself, so He give us the ability to love and is the definition of what love truly is. We must love God with all we have first, and the second is to love our neighbors as ourselves. When we love God first, only then will we have the true direction and capacity of how to love our neighbors the way they need. It says to love our neighbor as ourselves, and the Bible is clear we are to put others before ourselves. When asked of God, He provides us with a balance of loving ourselves without becoming prideful or self-centered in a healthy, humble manner, allowing us to love others in the same way.
“The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”10 Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law.” -Romans 13:9-10
When we love others, genuinely, it makes it easier to follow God’s commands as our motivation is from the heart as opposed to feeling an obligation to follow the law. When you genuinely love someone, you will understand and empathize with their pain if you were to commit adultery behind their back, physically hurt them, covet them or steal from them. We are human, imperfect and will still be tempted in these ways even when we genuinely love someone, but God can provide us with a way to overcome our temptations.
“For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” -Galatians 5:14 God saw love as so important, He says all other commands can be fulfilled from this one. He understands when you love someone, the other commands follow more “naturally” when they are motivated by love. When you love your neighbor, you desire to tell them about Jesus as you realize He has changed everything. As we know, our world is falling apart, and many are heading for destruction. If people sense you genuinely love and care for them, they usually won’t be quite as defensive if you ask if they know Christ.
“We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. For we know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you, because our gospel came to you not simply with words but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and deep conviction.” -1 Thessalonians 1:3-5
Work is produced by faith; labor is prompted by love and endurance is inspired by hope in Jesus. Jesus chooses each one of us. Our words can produce power with the Holy Spirit to others. This is where genuine love, genuine faith, genuine labor and genuine endurance that cannot be shaken comes from. “You became imitators of us and of the Lord, for you welcomed the message in the midst of severe suffering with the joy given by the Holy Spirit.” -1 Thessalonians 1:6
“But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger.” -Romans 2:8 Without Jesus, love is either not genuine or self-seeking. Jesus allows us to love people for who they are, flaws and all. When we love without him, we generally only love for our own gain from wheat we can get from others or for our own protection. When you see others through God’s eyes, you cannot help but love them! “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law?” Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself” All the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments.” -Matthew 22:36-40
The greatest commandment. Love God and your neighbor with all your heart. You are to be God’s living expression of his love! Put others before yourself. Some may argue we need self-care first before taking care of others. I do not disagree in the sense, it is hard to properly care for others when you are sleep deprived, haven’t eaten, etc. however, if your motivation to take care of yourself is so you can better take care of others, I believe your heart is still in the right place. I do warn you though, to take an honest look at your heart to see if you are taking care of yourself to take care of others, or if your main purpose of taking care of yourself if for further self-gain. Also, I get into the habit of saying “I am spending time with God serving his people” and while that is true, we need alone time with him. There will always be more people to help while in this broken world. “He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” -Luke 10:2 and Matthew 9:37- 38
To be genuine, real, we need to care about God’s approval over man. When we care about man’s approval, we will be swayed left and right because it is impossible to keep people happy. Even worse, not everyone has God and has the heart he desires for us leading you down the wrong path. You will be consistent with your ways, answers and life when your focus is on God. God is always genuine, follow his example and keep it real. I try my best to genuinely love everyone in my life, but I fall short. The important thing is I point others to God who genuinely love them and who will never fail. “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.” -Romans 12:9 “whoever leads the upright along an evil path will fall into their own trap, but the blameless will receive a good inheritance.” -Proverbs 28:10
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love you neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” – Matthew 5:43-44 Love your enemy. No this is foreign in our culture today, as we are told to live for ourselves, do what is best for ourselves and if anyone gets in the way of us, get them out of your life ASAP. Now I am asking you to love your enemy and pray for those who persecute you. How? Why? Because this is exactly what God does for us!
“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” -Luke 6:27-36.
Again why? Why would we do this for those who do not treat us right? Because we realize at some point in our lives, we were the enemy in someone else’s life.
I once had a co-worker yell at me for things they were venting about. I wanted to yell back, but we are taught to have a gentle approach, possibly even asking what else I can work on or ask how they are feeling. I even received a message later from this individual thanking me for my heart. Trust me when I say I never would have thought I would receive this kind of message. “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law of the Prophets.” -Matthew 7:12
Is there someone in your life no matter how hard you try to get along; you feel like you can’t? Pray for them. Prayer will take away your bitterness. Instead of thinking “jerk,” try to think lost or misunderstood just as Jesus did. “Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” -Luke 23:34. In Acts 7:55-60 and Acts 6:15 Stephen was another great example, who while being stoned prayed the same message for Jesus to receive his spirit and to not to hold the one’s stoning him sins against them as he died.
True love is a man who wipes your tears away, even when you are the reason he died on the cross. If Jesus can forgive those crucifying him (aka all of us), there is no one we cannot forgive. I am grateful to have parents who when I tell them I am upset with someone, the first thing they tell me to do is pray for them. It is not always my first instinct even though it should be and would save me a lot of trouble. I can’t begin to tell you how much better I feel once I pray for them. It is as if God removes all the bitterness and gives me a new heart for them right there and then.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” -Proverbs 27:17. “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice. Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family.” -Proverbs 27:9-10. “A true friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.” -Proverbs 17:17 We need to make people in our lives a priority. The best way to do this is to make time for others. Even though our own loved ones will hurt us, could gossip about us, and could be cruel to us, we need to forgive and love.
A lot of people wonder “well, why can’t we see God? “But, “he said, ‘you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live’.” -Exodus 33:20 Here in this broken world, his holiness and glory would overwhelm us, however there is a way to see and know him while here. “No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is himself God and is in closest relationship with the Father, has made him known.” -John 1:18 Want to know who God is? Jesus has made Him known through His word and our personal relationship with Him.
“Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” -1 John 4:11-17 and 1 John 3:23-24.
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” -Matthew 5:8 When we love one another, since the very nature of love is God himself, we can know Him.
“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” -1 John 4:7-8 “And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another.6And this is love:that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.” -2 John 1:5-6 As we have defined love is God himself, he says we show our love for Him when we walk in obedience with Him. “Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.” -1 Peter 1:22 When we are obedient, this obedience flows out into love for others!
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” -John 13:34-35, Romans 15:7 and John 15:8 What makes a Christian stand out? Our love! When we show others love and acceptance, we are showing the very characteristic and love of God. This acceptance does not mean approval of sinful actions. Does God accept our sinful nature? Of course not! Does He accept us due to his love and grace? Absolutely! He expects us to do the same for others.
Even though we may struggle to show genuine love when others wrong us, this is where God steps in. He gives us the ability; you do not have to do it alone. “The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” -Proverbs 12:26 We are to love on and spend time with believers and unbelievers, however we are to be careful who we spend most of our time with. “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” -Proverbs 13:20 We want to love others and stay wise.
“Anyone who runs ahead and does not continue in the teaching of Christ does not have God; whoever continues in the teaching has both the Father and the Son.10 If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not take them into your house or welcome them. 11 Anyone who welcomes them shares in their wicked work.” -2 John 1:9-11
“Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 34 Come back to your senses as you ought and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God—I say this to your shame.” -1 Corinthians 15:33-34
“But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law because these are unprofitable and useless. 10 Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them.” -Titus 3:9-10 To summarize, do not get involved in drama and try to cause quarreling.
“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrathcomes on those who are disobedient.7Therefore do not be partners with them.8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)10 and find out what pleases the Lord. 11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.” -Ephesians 5:3-13
Do not join into evil deeds of others but try to lovingly expose them by showing others why they are hurting themselves and more importantly why you care for them. Be the light in their life, and sometimes what they are doing can be exposed without words when they since the genuinely love you have for them.
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” -2 Corinthians 6:14
“I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. 18 For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people.19 Everyone has heard about your obedience, so I rejoice because of you; but I want you to be wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil.” -Romans 16:17-19
We can be loves others and spend time with them without becoming “yoked” with them if we feel they are trying to cause divisions in the relationships in your life. Flattery is when people are kind for their own gain. When you notice the difference between someone just showing flattery around you as opposed to genuinely love, pray for them. Even if their intentions are evil, we should have compassion on them realizing they are trying to fill a void that cannot be filled by whatever they feel they are trying to gain. We are all on the same team, even those against you are wearing the same jersey as you but they haven’t had a chance to look down at it because they are blinded by the actual enemy, Satan.
Loving our neighbors means letting go of the right to judge. This term “judge” means letting go of the right to condemnation. However, many people will use this as an excuse in order to not be held accountable. We can assess and evaluate, but do not judge. We are to judge the ones we love by holding them accountable for their own good, as they should do for us. It is quite unfortunate many feel we need to be permissive in order to show love. If I have something on my face, someone who loves me would tell me no matter on how awkward. Let’s get even more serious. Let’s say you have a life-threatening illness. Would I be loving you if I had the cure, and did not give it to you? Sin is worse than a life- threatening illness and destroys you from the inside out. If I had the answer and did not tell you, you would argue that I am your enemy. If hell is real, and it is, and you do not want those you love to be there, it can help as motivation to share even when it might feel uncomfortable. Love causes us to do some crazy things!
If someone knows I am sinning and destroying my life, true love is someone telling me in order to get back on track. “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.” -Galatians 6:1-2 Restore gently and carry each other’s burdens within the process.
“Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while— 9 yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. 10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.” -2 Corinthians 7:8-11
True people that love you, even though it is hard, sometimes will tell you something in your life that may cause temporary sorrow in order to produce earnestness within you, for your good in the long term out of love.
“If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing right. 9 But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers.” -James 2:8-9 and James 2:1 “Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favoritism.” -Colossians 3:25 “Then Peter began to speak: “I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts from every nation the one who fears him and does what is right.” -Acts 10:34-35, Galatians 2:6, Romans 2:11Colossians 4:1 and Ephesians 6:9
There is nothing wrong with making your spouse, family and friends’ priority, however we are called to show love to all and not play favorites. Jesus had his close group of disciples, but was sure to show love, give attention and take care of all who were around him. I remind myself of this when I have patients of many kinds whether famous athletes, judges, politicians, professors or those I get from the prisons. I try to treat them all with the love God has for each of them. He even showed love to those who treated him poorly, asking God to forgive them. “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness and humility, gentleness and patience.” -Colossians 3:12
““Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ 37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ 40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’” Matthew 25:34-41, Colossians 1:9-14, Proverbs 19:17, Proverbs 28:27, Proverbs 19:17
What if we pictured every single individual we met as Jesus himself? This is exactly what He is saying we do when we serve others. As parents, nothing makes you feel better than knowing someone is taking good care of your children. We are taking care of God’s children when we serve others.
“Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.” -Hebrews 13:2 “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.” -1 Peter 4:9, Romans 12:13 and 3 John 8
“Anyone who welcomes you welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. 41 Whoever welcomes a prophet as a prophet will receive a prophet’s reward, and whoever welcomes a righteous person as a righteous person will receive a righteous person’s reward. 42 And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward.” -Matthew 10:40-42.
“When you enter a house, first say, ‘Peace to this house.’ 6 If someone who promotes peace is there, your peace will rest on them; if not, it will return to you.” -Luke 10:5-6 “Greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord, and his mother, who has been a mother to me, too.” -Romans 16:13 Jesus is so clear when we help others and show them hospitality, because He loves each person so much, it is as if we are welcoming Him into our homes. Now it is one thing to show hospitality, and it is one thing to do it without grumbling. It can be very inconvenient and depending on who stays, not fun to be hospitable however, if God tells us to not grumble, there is a way to be able to do it with joy. Ask Him to show you! Trust me, my parents were very hospitable to the point of allowing strangers access to our home. One time I came down for a snack late in the evening, and one of our family friends were in the dining room. I was a little startled once in a while, but I loved their example of their hospitality, and it was so cool to see how God used it to share His love. I also think what is hard is many people feel they don’t have the finances to be hospitable to all. I had roller skating parties when I was younger, and it was the same price to rent the roller rink no matter how many came. With some prayer and creativity, anything is possible. David even when as far as to restore the land and invite Jonathan to always eat at his table. Jonathan is the grandchild of his enemy Saul who tried to kill him. Usually when a new king took the throne, you did not associate with the old king’s family, and David was trying to be killed by the old king! Since he was a man after God’s own heart, he chose to go against the grain, and we should too. “Don’t be afraid,” David said to him…. I will restore to you all the land that belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will always eat at my table.” -2 Samuel 9:7
“But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind,14 and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.” -Luke 14:13-14 The “least of these” is not just the poor, it is everyone. “After that, he poured water into a basin, and began to wash his disciples’’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.” -John 13:5 The night before Jesus knew he would be crucified, he chose to wash his disciples’ feet. He knew they were going to abandon Him, and he would be alone on the cross. He chose to do it anyway. We say loving others is risky and it is. Others can hurt us, talk about us behind our back and even leave us. We are called to love anyway, as we have the best example to follow.
Sometimes to love our neighbor means inconveniencing ourselves. This would be in time as we all have busy schedules and obligations. Satan will always try to give you an excuse to put yourself before someone else. When you give time, attention, and love to others, you are telling them they matter. We all know how precious time is, and when you give it to others you are telling them how valuable they are. Also, be genuine. “As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart.” -Proverbs 27:19 Don’t fake it. Do not be on your phone while talking to others. People notice. Are you the friend people come to when they are down? Do people feel they can come to you and be real without judgment as in condemnation? Are you the friend people know will tell the truth and hold them accountable if they are sinning or in other words, only harming themselves? Are you a true friend during the best times and the worst? Are you trustworthy, even behind peoples backs? Pray for friends. There is nothing better you can do for them in order to display these attributes. “…not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” -Philippians 2 No one has time for others. We need to make time for others. Giving time is one of the best ways to show love because everyone knows how precious and short it is. This means put down the phone when you are with others. This means writing a letter. This means reaching out to others. This means choosing to make those in your life a priority and meeting their needs before your own. It will not only benefit others, but God says it will benefit you.
“An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” -Proverbs 24:26 “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.” -Proverbs 11:13 and 20:19 “A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.” -Proverbs 16:28 We all struggle with it. We forget it is a sin. Also, the worst is once your loved ones know you are gossiping, your trust is broken. I find it hardest to not gossip when others come to you to gossip. You feel awkward asking them to stop or awkward if you do not add to the conversation. Let the individual know you are there to listen and help them; however, try to help them find something positive about the individual they are talking about. If this person coming to you is truly distressed by an individual, offer to pray with them and talk in such a way that if the person you are talking about were listening, they could tell you are talking out of sincere concern and not to tear them down. If you are talking about someone’s appearance, you are talking down on the very beautiful creation God hand crafted himself, in His image. “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” -1 Samuel 16:7 God looks at the heart, and we should too. “Like a snow-cooled drink at harvest time is a trustworthy messenger to the one who send him; he refreshes the spirit of his master.” -Proverbs 25:13
“Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge, 21 which some have professed and in so doing have departed from the faith. Grace be with you all.” -1 Timothy 6:20-21
“There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.” -Proverbs 6:16-19.
“A false witness will not go unpunished, and whoever pours out lies will not go free” Proverbs 19:5.
What do we do if others are gossiping about us and we are hurt, our trust is broken? “For I hear many whisperings, “Terror on every side!” They conspire against me and plot to take my life. But I trust in you, Lord; I say, “You are my God.” My times are in your hands.” -Psalm 31:13-15 and 2 Chronicles 20:12 First, trust God and understand He is the one who defines you, not what others say. “…you keep them safe in your dwelling from accusing tongues.” -Psalm 31:20 “Many have become my enemies without cause; those who hate me without reason are numerous. Those who repay my good with evil lodge accusations against me, though I seek only to do what is good.” -Psalm 38:19-20 Sometimes people gossip out of their own insecurities, and it is good to realize this. This does not make you a “push over” but truly compassionate as to understanding why others would talk behind your back. I have had best friends talk behind my back that are still my close friends today out of forgiveness, realizing even though in the moment what they said hurt, they were struggling with their own hurt. Now if gossip becomes a consistent thing within a friendship, this may be a time to have a talk with that person. “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” -Proverbs 18:24 You can remain loving toward them, but it might be healthy to not have them as one of your closest friends. It is something good to pray to God about, and honestly is loving your friend to bring this up because gossip is a sin, and even when they talk about others, they are hurting themselves as you cannot sin against God and not have some form of hurt. “Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me.” -Psalm 41:9 Talk to Jesus if you are hurt by a friend gossiping about you, as he had the ultimate betrayal when one of his closest friends sold him to be crucified, for the sum of money they would sell a slave.
“You shall have no other gods before me.” -Exodus 20:3 We like to remember the golden calf. However, this could mean our phones, for me it can be sports, or even others in our lives. God calls us to love our family, friend and strangers, but they are not supposed to take God’s number one priority in our lives. We love others better when we put God first. Also, we don’t realize how much we idolize celebrities. When we are looking to them as examples instead of Jesus, we are asking for trouble. When we are more worried about what is happening in their lives as compared to our own, we are idolizing.
“And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.” In Matthew 16:18. God is saying his church is going to last forever. Many churches may be failing, but the church of believers who follow the word of God will never be abolished completely. Who is the church? We are. We are called to be a family in Christ, and to go to the ends of the earth to make disciples. Jesus loved the church so much he died for it, his bride. We are to do the same. However, how do we gather with other believers as God calls us to do? Many times, in a building on Sunday! I understand people like to emphasize that the church is not a building, and even though that is true there is something absolutely beautiful about gathering all together in one area to worship our Jesus together!
We need to make sure as the body of Christ we are keeping the church as God intended.
“Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. 13 “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.’” 14 The blind and the lame came to him at the temple, and he healed them. 15 But when the chief priests and the teachers of the law saw the wonderful things he did and the children shouting in the temple courts, “Hosanna to the Son of David,” they were indignant. 16 “Do you hear what these children are saying?” they asked him. “Yes,” replied Jesus, “have you never read, “‘From the lips of children and infants you, Lord, have called forth your praise’?”” -Matthew 21:12-16, Mark 11:15- 18
I want to show you how powerful prayer is for reconciling relationships. There was one point I felt some of my friendships were drifting apart. I truly cared about these friendships. I prayed for them to be rekindled. God answered, and I ended up standing up as bridesmaids in their weddings. There was a time I really took seriously those I thought I may have no gave the best impression of myself to and I prayed I could make up for it. I was frustrated my freshmen year and a girl who was my roommate for only a week, I ended up moving not because of her but because I was frustrated, they were not putting me where I originally wanted to go. She ended up being a student at the clinic I am at, and I was able to talk to her more! I was so frustrated when I could not be roommates with the friends I met initially my freshmen year of college and lead me to room with one of my best friends I have today. God desires reconciliation, and prayer is powerful. Of course, we cannot force people to reconcile but I encourage you to pray for those you feel you need to pray for the situation, reach out to them and see God work, even if it is not immediate because He is faithful, and oh so good! “I will praise your name, Lord, for it is good.” -Psalms 54:6
“Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” – Genesis 1:26 We are made in God’s image, which is why nothing else will ever satisfy. No money, fame, substances or person. Then he said we will rule over the earth when Satan was ruling the earth. We are also called to take care and love the environment. God has given us power and authority over the earth and other livings creatures. I am not saying you must take care of the environment to the point of not being able to live your daily life and go bankrupt, but at least appreciate his creation and take care of the earth when opportunities arise. If you do have pets or livestock, take care of their needs. I understand some people have had a bad experience and are afraid of animals, but just like with people who hurt us, it is good to remember they are God’s creation too and we are asked by God to take care of them, even if that care may be more at a distance for you. “The righteous care for the needs of their animals.” -Proverbs 12:10
“Consider therefore the kindness and sternness of God.” -Romans 11:22 and 1 Samuel 20:14 God has the perfect way of handling us with kindness but being stern when He needs to be like a Father shoulder. “Anyone who withholds kindness from friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty.” -Job 6:14 God asks us to be kind to our friends. “A kindhearted woman gains honor.” -Proverbs 11:16. God asks us to be kind to all around us. “Those who are kind benefit themselves” Proverbs 11:17 Even though when we are kind it can benefit us as Proverbs says, be careful that the motivation of your heart is not for personal gain, or it could turn to flattery. We are human and this can easily happen, and constant heart checks are important. “It is a sin to despise one’s neighbor, but blessed is the one who is kind to the needy.” -Proverbs 14:21 Do not despise anyone but be kind to those in need. Who is in need? Everyone. Just ask, we all are in need whether is it a physical, spiritual, emotional, or social need. “Blessed are those who have regard for the weak; the Lord delivers them in times of trouble.” -Psalm 41:1
“Absalom said to Hushai, “So this is the love you show your friend? If he’s your friend, why didn’t you go with him?” -2 Samuel 16:17 Friends join one another in this adventure called life. “Then Job replied: “I have heard many things like these; you are miserable comforters, all of you!” -Job 16:1-2 “I could make fine speeches against you and shake my head at you. But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief.” -Job 16:4-5 Job’s “friends” blamed him for the pin he was going through, thinking God must be punishing him instead of comforting him in the sense that in this broken world, we will experience heart ache whether it is our fault or not. Regardless of what you feel is someone’s situation or whether it was self-inflicted, we are called to comfort and show grace. You may have friends where tough love is needed in order to help them move forward if they are causing their own pain, but there is a time and place, and in the midst of the initial hurt the time is to simply be there for them and comfort, even if not many words are exchanged. Job said we should instead encourage as the comfort from our lips can bring others relief.
‘My son, if sinful men entice you, do not give in to them” Proverbs 1:10. “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers all wrongs.” -Proverbs 10:12 If people are trying to get you to hate someone else, do not give in. Hatred only brings about heart ache, turmoil and frankly, God simply commands we do not hate. “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” -1 Peter 4:8 Even if you have been hurt beyond belief by someone, love covers over a multitude of sins. Genuine love. “Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for; through the fear of the Lord evil is avoided.” -Proverbs 16:6
““Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.“So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” -Matthew 6:1- 4
Part of being genuine is your integrity. You do not change because of who is watching. Even if no one knew the good you were doing, you would do it anyways. I do not know about you, but I struggled with this. It took some serious heart checking and asking of God to make sure my heart is genuine, helping others because of a genuine love for them and a gain from others watching.
“The Lord says: “These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught. 14 Therefore once more I will astound these people with wonder upon wonder; the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish.” -Isaiah 29:13-14
In order to be genuine, our hearts must match our words. In order to become genuine, we need to be held accountable to God and in His word which do not change, and not human rules or people in general who do change. Nothing can separate His love for you. His personal love for you.
“On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”26 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” 27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” 28 “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.” But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” 30 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’ 36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” -Luke 10:25-37.
Who is our neighbor? Anyone in need. Who is in need? Everyone. It does not matter your job, title, circumstances, where you live, God has provided the opportunity for you to be a neighbor to those around you. Even if you might not always find someone lying on the side of the road, there are many lying on the sides of our lives that need your help and encouragement to get back up. Be there neighbor with your genuine love!
You cannot love God without loving others, as he is saying when we love others, we are loving him and ultimately ourselves. Jesus said to Peter “if you love me, you will feed my sheep.” -John 21:17 John 21:15-16 “The Jews were amazed how Jesus had so much knowledge without being taught. Jesus said his teaching is not his own, it is from God who sent him. Anyone who speaks on their own does for personal glory, but he who seeks the glory God is one of truth, there is nothing false about him.” -John 7:15-18
“Devote to breaking bread and praying, gather with other believers, give to anyone in need and every day continue to meet together. Break bread in your homes with a glad and sincere heart, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. The Lord added to their number daily to those being saved,” -Acts 2:42- 47, 1 Corinthians 11:26, 1 Corinthians 29-30, 1 Corinthians 11:26 and 1 Corinthians 10:16-17 Acts 9:28 How we are to strengthen and grow as a church? What are some ideas in ways to help our neighbors? An example God gives is having others over for meals in homes, prayer, gathering with others and seeing what their needs are. Only God himself can meet every individual’s needs, so this is not to put pressure on you, but it is amazing to see how God can use you when you are willing to meet the needs of others. Many times, He will provide for you in order to help someone else. He wants your heart sincere when you help, and sometimes helping others may not be physically but just your encouragement or time spent.
“In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.” -Acts 20:35 Giving to others will always benefit you more than receiving.
“For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” -Romans 12:3- 10
We are to have confidence and not get down on ourselves, but with the ability to accurately see ourselves as we tend to pridefully think of ourselves higher than we ought. We all have gifts from God, and He wants us to use them cheerfully. Love must be sincere. His definition of sincerity is to love someone above yourself. We are to love ourselves, knowing we are valuable and loved in Christ, but when you do God can help you love others that much more. We are in a culture that is all about doing what is best for you and not necessarily what is best for others. The ironic thing is I am so much more fulfilled in joy and love when loving others above myself.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.” -Romans 12:15-16 Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. There is true supernatural power in increasing someone’s joy when you rejoice with them and lighten the burden of someone who is mourning when you are there in the painful process with them. As much as it depends on you, live in harmony with one another and be humble. God wants you to comfort others because you are comforting those He loves. Now you can care for someone going through a hard time or depression by carrying the burden while not becoming obsessed or overwhelmed with grief which can affect your own family and life. Let your heart break with those you are comforting, but then realize as they are weak, you can also be their strength in prayer by giving their situation to God. My own example would be my work at the clinic. With my patients, I mourn their loss, physically, psychologically, spiritually and emotionally; however, at the end of the day I have to give it to God in prayer because if I brought it home every night, it could affect my other relationships by causing burnout. We can ask God for the balance of grieving with others, but also staying joyful as their light of hope. “Comfort, comfort my people, says your God.” -Isaiah 40:1
“For if someone with a weak conscience sees you, with all your knowledge, eating in an idol’s temple, won’t that person be emboldened to eat what is sacrificed to idols? 11 So this weak brother or sister, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. 12 When you sin against them in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. 13 Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother or sister to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause them to fall.” 11 Corinthians 8:10-13 and Romans 14:21
For example, if I like to have a drink it is not wrong; however, for my friend that I am with at the time who is an alcoholic my having a drink will tempt them into sin to become drunk. I would not be loving them to have my drink even though for myself there is nothing wrong with it.
“Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ.” -1 Corinthians 12:12.
“15 Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. 19 If they were all one part, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, but one body. 21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty.” -1 Corinthians 12:15-23 and 1 Corinthians 12:13-14
Even though we each have different roles in God’s design, story and plan, each are equally as important. I think if you were to ask someone if they would rather lose their hearing, eyesight, mobility, or smell, they may be funny and tell you which they feel is most important, but we know how hard it would be to lose one of these functions.
“If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. 27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. 28 And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues.” -1 Corinthians 12:26-28
God is redeeming the Earth through Christ, who is the Church, from the enemy through each and every one of us. If one part of the body suffers, we all suffer which is why we must look out for one another. As a therapist if our trunk or neck has a nerve impingement, I see it affect the entire arm all the way down to the fingertips whether from pain or loss of motion. When we hurt one another, we are only hurting ourselves.
“Such people should realize that what we are in our letters when we are absent, we will be in our actions when we are present.” -2 Corinthians 10:11 We need be and do what we say we are and will do. “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” -Galatians 1:10
“Isaiah said this because he saw Jesus’ glory and spoke about him. Yet at the same time many even among the leaders believed in him. But because of the Pharisees they would not openly acknowledge their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; ]’for they loved human praise more than praise from God.” -John 41-43
“When you try to please people, you will lose your genuineness about you, because many people will ask of different tasks from you which may affect your morals of how you want to live. When you are a God pleaser, you will do all you can to love people. God loves people more than anyone, and of course it is ok to want to please them if it is out of love for them and approving to the Lord. However, if anyone ever asks you to do anything apart from God’s word or will, we need to uphold our relationship and wanting to please God more. Receiving praise from others is not bad, and is encouraging, however do not live your life in a way as to seek it out or you will continue to be disappointed your whole life, as no matter what you do someone will disapprove and people cannot see the big picture like God can. Seek praise from God, as He is truthful, encouraging and sees your potential better than anyone. “On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.” -1 Thessalonians 2:4 and 1 Thessalonians 2:6-
“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” -Ephesians 4:15-16 Speaking the truth in love is a tough skill that God will help you with if you ask. Tone and demeanor is everything. Most of the time, people can tell when you are telling them the truth because you care as opposed to trying to bring them down. As each of us strengthens in our faith, we can build up and support others. When working with patients for example, if one ligament of the joint is weak, the entire joint is; however, sometimes you can strengthen the muscles around the joint in order to create stability.
“Follow God’s example therefore, as dearly loved children.” -Ephesians 5:1 We are God’s very children and He wants us to grow up and mimic Him as a child mimics their Father. Who is God’s example? Jesus! How did Jesus act?
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. 5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!” -Philippians 2:3-8
“Do nothing out of selfishness and think of others as higher than yourself but looking into the interests of others over your own. Jesus who was equal to God, being God Himself did not even take advantage of this but became a servant. He served all the way to the cross for us, sacrificing all He had for us, those He loves. We are to do the same, and the only way you can comprehend serving to this point is to realize what Jesus has done for you. Until we stay fixated on Him, us putting others above ourselves or serving to this point will seem like foolishness, but once you experience this intense and life changing love, it completely pours out of you to others. No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.” -1 Corinthians 10:24
“I have no one else like him, who will show genuine concern for your welfare.21 For everyone looks out for their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.” -Philippians 2:20-21 When we are humble, we are not degrading ourselves or thinking we have less value. When I meet humble people, they are usually just overall cheerful, smart who cares about you are a person. He doesn’t think about himself, only others.
“Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.” – Hebrews 13:3 “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” -James 1:27 Other than loving the very ones God has placed in your life genuinely, another way God specifically points out on how to show genuine love is to those in prison, orphans and widows.
“Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. 10 Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. 11 But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them.” -1 John 2:9-11
You cannot hate your brother and sister when you have Christ, because God is love in His nature, who is living in you. Even though we are sinners and stumble in this area, it makes me sick to my stomach when I feel the feelings of hate even begin to seep into me and who it turns me into. The truth of recognizing we cannot be in Christ and hate convicts me more than anything in a beautiful way, to soften my heart toward my neighbor who has wronged me. When we have Christ, we recognize how evil we are. When people do not have Christ, they are blind to the bad they do and think they are good. “Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 21 And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.” -1 John 4:20-21
“For this is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. 12 Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own actions were evil and his brothers were righteous. 13 Do not be surprised, my brothers and sisters, if the world hates you. 14 We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love each other. Anyone who does not love remains in death. 15 Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him. This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. 17 If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? 18 Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” -1 John 3:11-18
Cain murdered his brother because of jealousy. God gave him multiple times to repent, but his pride would not let him. We have all been jealous and it is a strong and terrible feeling to the point where you feel a lack of control and hate for someone else. Do not let it get to this point. When the enemy throws these feelings at you, where you compare yourself to someone else, pray immediately for God to remove those feelings and express how you do not want to feel this way. If you linger and keep your thoughts fixated on the individual, hate will begin to creep in. If you hate, in God’s eyes of justice you have murdered that individual in your heart. This shows how serious is it to hate others, and why we need to strive toward love. What is love? How can we love? As Christ died for us, we ought to do the same for others. Love is action. Words of affirmation are beautiful, do not get me wrong, but if we tell someone we love them without action, the truth is not being expressed through us.
“This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” – 1 John 4:9-10 and Ephesians 5:2 His love is better than life. Never say you are unloved, or that someone else is unloved. He loves you so much that our sin did not stop him from dying for us, no matter the cost. When we understand and have this love, it overflows out of us to others.
“Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. 2 This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands” 1 John 5:1-2. When we are in love with Christ, He leads us to genuinely love His children. His children are all of those around us, that we come across every single day. “Greet the friends there by name.” -3 John 1:14 Call them by name. I have noticed a difference in how others respond to me, and even how I respond to others when I feel they have a personal love and interest in me, generally calling me by name. Let His love shine through you in such a way people do not see you, but Him.
